Halloween is HARD. It can be a pain in the ass to come up with something fun, original, sexy, relevant… And yes, yes, we get it. You can make just about any character “sexy” for Halloween. Usually, the transition is a no-brainer – want to be sexy Princess Leia but too shy to wear a copper bikini? Add a thigh high slit through her regal whites and voila! For the dudes, it’s even easier to accentuate what you’ve got. Put padding underneath some jammies and tights, and you’re a superhero, right? [via]
Some costumes are a bit of a stretch. So let’s celebrate the wackiest, un-sexiest, most bizzarro and hilarious TV & movie-inspired costumes you can buy!
25: Turtle in a half-top! There’s something about turtles, rats, and pizza that just doesn’t scream sexy, but maybe that’s just us… Let’s leave the TMNT to the little boys, shall we? We’re picturing Donatello because he was always the easiest to play in the arcade game, but rest assured, you can be a ‘sexy’ Leonardo, Raphael, or Michelangelo too.
24. We’re not sure what kind of person makes the intuitive leap from “Chucky” to “sexy” but we’re pretty sure we never want to hook up with them.
23. Probably the only thing worse than being ‘The Situation’ for Halloween this year, will be not being ‘The Situation’
22: They’ve taken adorable little Nemo and transformed him into sideline skank with this number. Seriously, can’t we just let Nemo get back to his dad, and away from this scantily clad lady? Also, he’s a fish. And a baby fish at that. You’re a creep.
21: Again: She’s a CHILD. This is messed up.
20: From the description: “Jason’s hockey jersey has been re-designed to hug your curves and seduce your victims into submission.” Emphasis ours. Because Jason being a really big hockey fan wasn’t exactly our biggest takeaway from the ‘Halloween’ franchise.
19: Mix one part wig, three parts pleather, and you’re one half of reality TV’s most notoriously trashy duo. Also? Not sexy. By any stretch of the imagination.
18: Is this a Brady? Or Demetri Martin?
17: Olé! Well if this isn’t a best-seller, that’s a crime. Honestly, if there’s anyone out there who desires to go out on Halloween dressed as a sexy tribute to Chevy Chase, Martin Short, and Steve Martin, have at it! Someone get this pretty lady a plethora of piñatas.
16: There are so many things wrong with this costume. First of all, is this Brian? We’re pretty sure it’s just a white outfit. Second? He’s a dog. A very refined dog! His tastes would surely be compromised with this one.
15. We reject this one on principle. If you have to pay 50 bucks to buy what’s probably in your closet, you’ve failed. Dude, come on, you're being very un-Dude.
14: We’re not sure what makes this a ‘Jack Skellington’ costume – what is it, the pinstripes? We’re not convinced.
13. Wow. This is what our nightmares look like. It's just so weird.
11. Dudes, it’s Iron MAN, not Iron-ON. You'll definitely get your ass kicked in this.
10. Seriously, though. We REALLY don’t recall Jason Voorhees as someone who liked to hit the ice! Here, the description gets worse: “Well, it looks like someone's a hockey fan. The Jason Hockey Jersey with Mask costume includes: red and black hockey jersey and classic Jason EVA hockey mask. The jersey sports several Jason mask logos, the number 13, and the name "Voorhees." Seriously?!
9: With this sexified Krueger getup, you’re sure to slay some hearts. Get it? Slay?! We kill us.
8: We just had to include this because even though we don’t think they accomplished ‘sexy’ here, they nailed it on ‘awesome.’
7. Good news! If you get tired while you’re trick-or-treating, this costume doubles as a sleeping bag! In all honesty, we think this one is kind of awesome.
6. Apparently, this is Dorothy from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ You see, the RED brick road takes you to Quadling County and Bondageland, a village of tiny, charming sluts.
5. Screw Toy Story. Everyone knows this is Green Man
4. They make plus sizes for all their costumes and feature on a separate tab, but we find it funny that on the website, Nite Owl is one of only a few bigger versions featured on the general men's search – he has put on a few!
3. Note to manufacturer: we’re trying to forget this movie ever happened – throw us a bone, alright? Also? NO ONE wants to be ‘Mutt.’ That’s why you had to discount it, jackass.
2. There’s no way this lady can disguise herself as a truck. Where would her boobs go?
1. Hunh. We’re actually surprised by this. Um, bravo. Carry on.
We pulled all of these costumes from BuyCostumes.com and joking aside, we have to admit they’ve got a lot of rad costumes, especially for you genre fans lacking time or artistic abilities. Like this Iron Man Deluxe. Or, if you’re a Star Wars completist, you can pretty much fill up a Jedi council. And there are great horror movie ones like Hellraiser Chatterer Butterball and Pinhead!
Let us know what will you be wearing for Halloween this year in the comments!