The Bible Verse
Seriously? Is this girl so bad at sex that she needs to distract whatever unlucky guy is pounding her from behind with a lengthy text? We can see the comedic value in such a tattoo, but this girl is obviously very serious, and likely very proud of her devout show of holiness. Next time you’re wondering how nutballs like Heidi Montag live with themselves, don’t be surprised if you start thinking of this girl.
The Penis Ménage Butterfly
So, you probably noticed that the “butterfly” above is actually a winged penis, which appears to be either ejaculating or just got finished urinating. What about half of you probably didn’t see at first glance are the two ladies on each side of said penis, performing fellatio. We’re not quite sure what to say about this, because honestly, it’s the sort of thing that leaves a person speechless. One thing’s for certain here, the girl wearing it is pretty trashy.
The Attempted Irony
Our best guess as to the origins of this inane idea is that the wearer thought it would be both sexy and “smart” to have this failure of irony permanently marked on their lower back. Aside from the obvious stupidity of doing this thing, which barring laser treatment is going to be there for a very long time, the decisions made in the design were pretty terrible too. Not only does it lack any flare of imagination, but the font is just plain terrible.
First off, we’re not even sure if this is a guy or a girl. Either way, it’s a terrible idea; if it’s a guy, then he’s just sad. If it’s a girl, then it really makes no sense. She’s pretty much dooming herself to either wear nothing but boy-shorts for eternity, or to wear nothing at all since wearing any sort of skimpy underwear is only going to look really redundant down there. Then again, judging from what we can see of those hips… We may not want this person showing much skin after all.
The first question you need to ask when looking at this hideous thing is: How in the hell does this make any sense at all? It’s a sign directly above a girl’s ass that reads “5 Cent Mustache Rides,” but it seems that the wearer was a bit confused as to how exactly a mustache ride works. Judging from the other tats this girl has, she was making an attempt at something like culture here, but she failed.
Mom and Dad
Yes, this is exactly what your dear old Mum and Dad want to see when you get caught on TV in a Girls Gone Wild video. They want to see that on the rear of that muffin-top, over your two-sizes-too-small jeans, that you really care. That you think about them when you’re out shopping for a new thong to wear to the party tonight where you’re going to give it up to a stranger after just four drinks. That’s all your parents really want.
So the “tea parties” have gotten a bit out of hand, and girls are starting to declare themselves republican more often than virgins — though most don’t even know where D.C. is on a map. The country’s getting pretty goofy these days, to be sure, but one thing we never expected to see was a tramp stamp with the name and years lived of a dead president. The only word for that is weird.
We understand the urge felt by many young women today to try to be one of the boys and act like they’re more into video games than they actually are. What we don’t condone is half-assery, and this is a great example of taking an already lame idea and making it even lamer through poor execution. If you’re going to get a tramp stamp of a vintage video game you probably never liked to begin with, then at least do it right and make it look authentic. This crap is just plain lazy.
Yet another example of the ages old tramp-stamp problem of is this a dude or chick, we honestly can’t tell if we should be using he or she pronouns here. The problem with the tramp stamp, however, is that it doesn’t matter what sex the wearer happens to be, because the tattoo is simply awful. It’s terrible, it’s trite, and it’s crude. Nobody should have this on their body.
What do a gothic “13,” tribal wings, eyes from a N’avi, a crucifix and not one, but two R2D2s have in common? If you said absolutely nothing, then you’re absolutely right. This tattoo make so little sense, that it actually physically hurts to look at it.
We love Helvetica, too. What we don’t love are wannabe typography nerds running around with I <3 Helvetica tramp-stamped on their lower backs, turning it into something trashy and vapid like the kid above. Also, while we’re on the subject of typography… The kid wearing this tattoo may be decently fit now, but you can already see the signs that he’s going to be flabby in about ten years, and when that happens you can kiss that kerning good-bye.
Mothers have enough to be angry about when it comes to Barbie and ruining the young minds of tomorrow’s women. They don’t need any more reasons, but just in case they did, Mattel felt the need to add a tramp stamp to the mix. Now while young girls are developing life-long insecurities about their bodies, they can also develop the overwhelming desire to get a trashy tramp stamp to go along with their first failed relationship.
Almost as if the Barbie tramp stamp was some sort of cue for the world to end, this had to happen. The girl in the picture can’t be more than eight years old, and that’s if she looks older than she is. For any parent to allow a little girl to skank out so prematurely is bad enough, but taking pictures and floating them on the Internet for the world to see that the poor girl’s destiny is already laid in stone is just too much to bear.
This tramp stamp, and its wearer, are almost too disgusting to lay eyes on. That being said, you’ve got to take a nice, long look at the travesty happening above. That’s a big girl, and for some strange reason she felt the need to have a chainsaw emblazened across the lower portion of her monstrous back. That wasn’t enough for her, though — no she needed to express an inner violence, too. The blood is tasteful, no?
The Ass Stamp
Sometimes a girl just isn’t satisfied with the tramp stamp she already has. Sometimes she isn’t made happy enough by just adding some slight embellishments to that tramp stamp. Sometimes the girl has to go all out, and convert the original tramp stamp into a full on ass stamp. This is one of those times. This is one of those girls. This is one of those tramp stamps. Mortifying, isn’t it?
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