25. Britney Spears: “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”
24. Gwyneth Paltrow: “I am convinced that by eating biological foods it is possible to avoid a tumor.”
What else were you thinking of eating?
23. Arnold Schwarzenegger: “I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”What the Governator probably means here is that, in his opinion, gay marriage simply should not be.
22. David Hasselhoff: “I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.”
21. Guy Ritchie: “It’s OK to have beliefs, just don’t believe in them.”Erm…. Just like possessions which you don’t have? This is what happens when you get too interested in Kabbalah.
20. Carla Bruni: “When I was having my hair and make-up done backstage at a fashion show, I would sneak in a copy of Dostoevsky and read it inside a copy of Elle or Vogue. But it would be pretentious of me to say I was more intelligent than the other supermodels.”
19. Victoria Beckham (on her autobiography): “It’s straight from the horse’s mouth. Not that I’m saying I’m a horse.”
18. Paris Hilton: “What’s Walmart, do they like make walls there?”
17. Tom Cruise: “As a kid, when I got to the edge of a cliff I wanted to jump off. I didn’t want to kill myself. I wanted to fly.”
Insane. Insufferably smug. Annoyingly ambitious. Obviously, none of these things apply to Tom.
16. Cindy Crawford: “In the studio, I do try to have a thought in my head, so that it’s not like a blank stare.”
15. Joaquin Phoenix: “Do I have a large frog in my hair? I have the sensation that something is eating my brain.”
Unfortunately for Mr Phoenix this came during his so-called ‘insane hobo’ period.
14. Prince Philip (to an Aboriginal businessman in traditional dress): “Do you still throw spears at each other?”
Prince Phillip doesn’t so much say stupid things as things that are wantonly offensive – to women, to the disabled and to people from outside the UK. This is a particular gem.
13. Nicole Richie: “When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.”
First rule of being a capable drug addict, Nicole – never lose your shoes. Unless you’re shooting heroin into your feet that is!
12. George Gobel: “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
And the internet would be powered by millions of mice.
11. Joe Biden: “If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30% chance we’re going to get it wrong.”
If you’ve really, really done everything right, then actually, no, there’s 0% chance it’ll go horribly wrong. That’s the difference between thinking and doing.
10. Fran Lebowitz: “Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
Up there with Linda Evangelista’s dieting denials (she doesn’t diet, she just doesn’t eat as much as she’d like to!).
9. David Beckham: “I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.”
It’s all in the word, David. Christ-ened. See also Guy Ritchie’s alarming lack of faith in his own beliefs.
8. Mischa Barton: “Pretty people aren’t as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas.”
Wait till she announces that her fortune is really a terrible curse.
7. Yogi Berra: “Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.”
Never was a truer word said.
6. Axl Rose: “It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
Wow, Axl Rose surely is a douchebag. While he might as well have named his band ‘Cocks and Beavers’, you’d think he’d understand words like “one-on-one” and “relationship”.
5. Woody Allen: “If my films don’t make a profit, I know I’m doing something right.”
That doesn’t really follow, actually. And you can tell Allen said this in a totally deadpan voice. He seems to be thinking, “The public is stupid, therefore failure is good”. Would you give this man money to make a film?
4. R. Kelly: “All of the sudden, you’re like the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I’m going through.”
Now that’s a very, very odd thing to say. Is being accused of having sex with a minor the same as blowing up the World Trade Center? And what would Osama and R talk about together? Their hatred for America? Their love of young ladies? The. Mind. Boggles.
3. Mariah Carey: “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
2. George Bush: “They misunderestimated me.”
Dubya might well have been misunderstood quite a lot of the time and, in relation to that, he probably was underestimated. But is that what he’s really getting at? What is clear is that, for a man who has “strong opinions” but doesn’t “always agree with them”, he hasn’t done too badly. Hail to the chief!
1. Kanye West (interrupting Taylor Swift before an audience of millions): “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!”
Oh, Kanye. We knew you liked blurting things out on television, but we thought that was because you were principled and passionate. Having made this spectacularly stupid and unnecessary announcement, it became clear that you’re actually ‘one of the biggest dbags… of all time!’ Terrible timing. Unwanted message. Questionable sincerity (“I’m happy for you too, Kanye!”). No less than the leader of the free world pronounced you to be a ‘Jacka**’. A truly epic fail.
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