10 Ways to Tell if You’re Staying in the Wrong Hotel

If you’re like me, you love to travel, and if there is one thing that you cannot avoid, it’s the occasional hotel stay. Most hotels are relatively nice places to be. They have bars in the lobby, they deliver food to your door. Perfection. Some, however, leave something to be desired. Staying in a bad motel can ruin your trip in seconds. All it takes is one little bug or a nasty set of sheets to suck the awesomeness right out of your little getaway. Luckily, there are ways to tell if you are staying at the wrong place. I have composed a list to help you travelers stay outta trouble. [dailylikeme]

1. The mattresses are wrapped in plastic.

This could occur for a couple reasons. One being that a lot of disgusting people stay there and they want to keep their mattresses clean. Sound bad? Yes it does, but it’s marginally better than number two, which is that murders are common in the area and they don’t want your blood and guts all over their beds.

2. The hotel ‘restaurant’ is really a biker bar.

I have nothing against bikers, mind you. I’m just saying that this may not be the hotel for you, unless you are, in fact, a biker yourself. This is a bad idea if, for no other reason, than the fact that you will be hearing loud southern rock music and Harleys all night long.

3. The hotel is really a motel.

The Bates Motel, to be exact. Crazy innkeepers with stuffed dead mothers in their house? Um, no thanks.

4. The windows have bars.

This is either to keep you in or keep people out. Either way, it’s not good. Don’t stay in a place with bars on the windows. Prisons have those, and if that’s your thing, you can stay in one of those for cheap. Really cheap.

5. The lamps, TV, alarm clock, or any other loose item is chained down or bolted to the table.

I know what you’re thinking. “Do places really do this?” The answer, yes. Yes they do, and I have stayed in one.

6. There are condom wrappers behind the bed, toilet, dresser, etc.

This is just gross. We all know what goes on there; we don’t need visual proof. This issue goes hand in hand with number seven in fact, because where you find one, you’re likely to find the other.

7. They have an hourly rate.

I think this fact speaks for itself. No one who’s not performing illicit activities wants to stay in a place obviously being used for illicit activities. However, if you’re looking for a place to take a hooker, this may be a little slice of heaven for you.

8. They have ‘borrowed items from other hotels.

I once stayed in a little local motel out of sheer necessity, and when I walked in, the trash can was from one hotel chain, the tissue holder was from another, and so on and so on. If a hotel cannot afford to get its own stuff, then you can’t (emotionally) afford to stay there.

9. You are the only guest.

This has never actually happened to me, or anyone else that I know of, but imagine how creepy it would be if it did. If you are the only guest, it’s for a reason. Run!!

10. There are mysterious red stains in the carpet.

Sadly, this has also happened to me. Of course, it may just be Kool-Aid or cranberry juice, but I wouldn’t take my chances. Let’s be honest, it’s probably blood. No one takes cranberry juice to a hotel.

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