Not all fast food is created equal. For every delicious Sourdough Jack, there is a *****-smelling Beef Meximelt, and for every delectable, thousand island-drenched Big Mac, there is a (insert any item from Taco Bell here). Here are some of the nastiest items on fast food menus today.
1. Burger King - Loaded Steakhouse Burger
Burger King gets my vote for overall ***** burgers in general, but this one is just hideous. Following the latest fast food trend of piling over a pound of nasty, disparate ingredients on top of a rubbery burger patty, the Loaded Steakhouse Burger tries to mimic a steakhouse experience by putting bacon, fried onions, and MASHED POTATOES on top of their burger. Oh yeah, and american cheese. Because nothing says classy steakhouse like american cheese.
2. Jack in the Box - French Toast Sticks
I have to admit I love these little *****, but, um, what exactly ARE they? I’m pretty sure they’re not made from bread. Perhaps they’re just 100% fried breading? Whatever they are, they most certainly qualify as “food” only in the sense that you chew them up and swallow them. Even better? Dipping them in “maple syrup” that is 99% karo syrup and 1% brown dye. MMM, now that’s breakfast that’ll stick to your ribs…and your small intestine!!
3. Pizza Hut - Tuscani Pastas
Pizza Hut is ***** gross. Hands down the worst pizza on the market today. Their pizzas are like a trashcan lid smothered in used diapers and old cooking grease. And now they want us to spend $12.99 on some frozen pasta they just throw in their oven to heat up? Umm, yeah, I think I’ll go to the grocery store and buy the same thing for $7.99. Oh wait, but then I won’t get the side of 5 bread sticks, ya know, the ones that leave you urping up faux-parmesan taste for days?
4. Jack in the Box - Taco
Jack in the Box makes its second appearance with their version of the taco. Much like their french toast sticks, this item is truly gross to look at, but I’ll be damned if I’m not in love with it. Somehow the greasy shell, processed taco sauce, american cheese(??) and meat paste made from lord knows what, all combine to create a taco-gasm for my tastebuds. Just try not to look at it too closely and you’ll be fine…
5. McDonalds - McGriddle
Now several people have told me that once you get past how odd the concept of the McGriddle is, it’s really good. But sorry, the concept of eating sausage, egg, and cheese squeezed between two syrup-infused hot cakes is just too much for me. Beyond the grossness of mixing all of that up together in my mouth, the hot cakes just strike me as something that was made in a lab somewhere, not a kitchen.
6. Taco Bell - Volcano Taco
As stated in my intro, there is no such thing as good food at Taco Bell. It is far and away the worst of the fast food chains. Let’s face it folks - when you walk in to a restaurant and the place literally smells like dog *****, we have a problem. And that’s exactly what their beef smells like - *****. It’s OK, admit it to yourself. All that being said, the Volcano Taco is their masterpiece. Why? Because in order to convince the customer that this is one spicy taco, they DYED THE TACO SHELL RED. [via pointless banter]
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